Monday, March 15, 2010

Day 131: I deserve a boyfriend.

I don't want to come across as obsessed or unduly pathetic, but my state of boyfriendlessness has gotten beyond a joke. At the risk of sounding conceited, I am not an abhorrent woman. I'm not perfect, but there isn't a living soul who is, so perfect can piss off as any kind of excuse for a reason. Based on my observation of other girls who do have boyfriends, and on my own estimation of my general merits, I have come to the conclusion that I am entirely worthy of the amorous affection of a decent grade of boy. And yet no boy presents himself. Why? Here, as far as I can tell (is my perception monstrously skewed? It's entirely possible.), is what I have to offer: a presentable face (eyes probably best feature), generally good skin (helped by non-drinking glow!), a healthy and fit body with quite good boobs, an in-proportion bottom and shapely legs (helped by running and yoga). I'm gainfully employed in a creative field, university educated, I read, see good movies, wear cool clothes, get good haircuts, like jokes, parties, dancing, skiing, seeing bands, even going to the rugby, and I can cook. Apart from sounding like a complete wanker, what am I doing wrong? My intention here is not to try and trumpet myself as being some beaming example of awesomeness. I'm acutely aware that I do not present every man's cup of tea, and that I'm not one of those easy, long-haired, girl-next-door girlfriend types that boys seem to flock to. However, for the girl that I am, I don't know how much more I can do to make myself more attractive. Not to say there isn't room for improvement, but there's only so much a girl can do before she loses the plot. If I'm going to remain an easygoing and friendly individual, I think the me you see right now is about as good as it's gonna get. If boys aren't liking it now, there's not much more I can do. And why should I be contemplating doing anything else at all in fact? Whatever happened to boys being the active ones in seeking out females? It might just be this town, but dudes just don't seem to be interested anymore. There's no red-blooded pursuit of a dame. It's all roll another joint and wait for her to pay for all your drinks and drop you home in the expensive car that she paid for with cash from her high earning job. Excuse my French, but what the fuck? I don't care what feminism has taught us: it is actually unacceptable for boys to back down from their roles as men. Women cannot be expected to look pretty, have babies, make the home a warm and welcoming haven, be lovely and earn all the money and be the instigator in relationships. It's not freaking fair. And it's just going to lead to a whole lot of early deaths for females worn out from doing every fucking thing. Do boys want this? What happened to boys just really loving girls for their girlhood? Where are those men who simply love women? And I'm sorry, but I'm not accepting the idea that this is just a me problem and there's something wrong with me that keeps cool men away. Either Sydney is a dead zone for single females and I have to get out. Or the world has lost the plot when it comes to men courting women. I don't know the answer. But as I have now ranted myself into a state of exhaustion, maybe you could help me out with your opinions on the matter.


  1. I hear ya, sister! In fact, my friend and I often have this same conversation. I honestly have no idea what is going on when it comes to guys nowadays... if you figure it, out let us know!

  2. Oh. My. God. It's like you were at our last girl's night in! It's the Man Drought...I've blogged about it but there is a massive contingent of disbelievers out there.

    Either way, heart this post. :-)

  3. There is plenty of excellent single guys out there. It's women who are to blame. I know this because I have two best friends. Both of which are male & both of which are single. Both of which are great guys.

    Good looking chicks tend to make poor, shallow choices in guys & opt for looks & materialistic baubles over common decency and old fashioned chivalry.

    Next time you have a choice of two guys, try going for the less "alpha" or the less text-book "cool". Try looking a little deeper. You might find the dorky guy is actually the coolest man you ever dated once you give him a chance.

    Man drought my arse. Your standards are just too high. Try switching off "the hills" & getting a reality check.

    Quite. Considerable rant considering I have no problems getting girls. I just happen to be slightly less of a douche than most like me.

  4. Hi Claire...awsome blog.If you recall your drunken days it was probably easier to meet guys because you were drunk and they were drunk and there were no inhibitions.Now you are sober you probably represent quite an intimidating package to guys plus you are probably feeling a bit awkward around drunken people.I say this because I have had this experience myself.When Im drunk girls approach me and I have no trouble meeting people however when Im sober I feel very self conscious and feel left out of the situation.Im a very confident person at work and in social situations but hate being around drunk people.Now I dont really go out if Im not drinking so I admire your courage in going to places and parties while sober.Im at the stage where Im only really drinking on a Friday/Saturday night and that works for me.In terms of guys dont worry..look at the current situation as time for yourself and everything will fall into place :)

  5. Stanmorephoenix, you're probably right regarding many Sydney females and their take on what constitutes an attractive dude. For my own part I am completely anti-player and am repulsed by vacuous "hills" types. Maybe it's like David says. As a non-drinking person I'm too freakily straight to be approached by any boy at all, the dickhead player or the chivalrous dorky guy.

  6. Loving the debate this has sparked!

    Here's my controversial addition to the mix: forget male obligation to do the chasing; as much as we all may wish the world hadn't changed, it HAS. And we all know what Darwin said about adaptability to change.

    The reality is, even for (if not ESPECIALLY for) decent, chivalrous men, approaching a hot woman is terrifying with a capital T. (I for one shudder when I think of the cool retorts i have blithely tossed to any poor fool who dared to try a line on me in a bar.)

    Ladies, if you really must insist on the man making the first move, for god's sake pave the way for him first with plenty of body language assurances that he won't be rebuffed. I certainly am no expert, but I do know that I made the first approach in two of my most significant relationships, and both times, the guy instantly confessed that the reason he hadn't was he thought he had no chance in hell. And that was even after all my incredibly UNsubtle flirtation!

    Here's another thing to consider. The most chivalrous boyfriend of mine (wining and dining, spontaneous Tiffany gifts, the works) STILL didn't make the first move. Let's not judge the whole man by the will-ness or won't-ness of the first approach. The only thing sadder than the thought of men being useless is the thought of a perfectly divine potential couple missing out on the delight of being together because they're BOTH expecting the other to make the first move.

    Which leads me to my final point: the harsh reality, oh lovely romantic old-fashioned gals, is that OTHER women ARE making the first move. So men expect it now. Adapt or become extinct!

  7. My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years and I approached him. I understand the want to be pursued but I find life is too short to wait for someone else to make the move. Take it into your owns hands, worse case scenario you get shot down but don't waste on someone who is not interested and best case scenario you get the guy!

  8. Claire, this is an awesome post. I really feel for you as this is not just an issue for straightie-180s but it’s the same on the pink side of the fence. I myself have seen rather unlikeable fellas bounce from one relationship to another, whilst I am sitting there twiddling my thumbs wondering if I have grown mold on my face for the lack of interest. You would be surprised to hear this in the ‘gayest’ city south of San Fran, but things are dry out there. I don’t know if it’s a seismic relationship climate change or just bad luck. But its driving me potty too! I won’t extol my virtues but I do know I do not have a head like a bison, I am fit, can think and have interests that don’t revolve around back waxing and the new Kylie DVD.

    I am not sure what it is, and I have done it both ways - sober approaches and boozey-confidence-boosting storms across a bar to chat to the handsome banker type, usually in these circumstances I was obviously blind and end up chatting with a rather 'handsome' Yukka plant. Neither way have bagged me a partner – usually just get cheeks burning with shame. I have been more aggressive in my pursuing and tried to be the one pursued. Sometimes this has worked, but mostly it has been as successful as a fart in a soup.

    So I understand your wonderful rant, hell I have thrown my toys out the pram about this many times. But I think one thing it has taught me that I don’t blame myself for this, I try and I get out there and that’s the best you can do. Eventually it will happen. Admittedly in the gay scene this issue is magnified enormously, you are dealing with guys who can get ‘it’ where ever they go, it’s not sex that’s hard but intimacy is the real challenge. This challenge is not solely the problem of one demographic or orientation.

    Look at this blog! Look at how far you have come, how much more experience you now have to offer. The fact that you’re ready to be open for someone, speaks volumes about your maturity and that you can say ‘I am not perfect but I am still fucking great’ means your showing people the real you, not some “hills” watching, lip-gloss wearing, gum chewing cerebral vacuum. It’s just a matter of time for you sweetheart and I am going to quote my mum's advice to me after my last relationship Chernobyl.. now so cue the violins ‘Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.’

    Love Jx

  9. I like it. Your Mum's got some clues. And thank you James. What's that other quote? The coolest dudes come to those who wait? Top notch is always harder to find, but it's worth hanging out for.

  10. Hehe, love it. Yeah, you sound like a cool chick Claire, enjoy your single time while it lasts. I find, like most things, regardless of what philosophies like "the secret" claim, it's often when you're looking for something you think you want that something you don't know you want is throwing itself at you from all angles.