Day 121: perfect ain't pretty.

By now you may be aware that I have a thing for perfectness. My entire life can at times seem like a never ending tick list of perfections; ways to eat, number of times to exercise, vitamins to take, tightness of hair cut, colour and neatness of nail polish (and level of unbitteness of nail), zitlessness of skin, bass practice done, diligentness of pursuing one's creative dreams etc. etc. Unlike just about all of the time, lately I have actually been managing to achieve an almost perfect perfectness report card. And while it 1. gives me nerd-like satisfaction and 2. has actually been making me feel pretty awesome (due to lots of the tick boxes being about healthiness), I have discovered that it's not in fact that cute to other people, or even to me particularly. Nobody likes a person who does everything right. Quite a lot of the time people like people who do things wrong. Wrongdoing by others tends to make you feel better about your own crappy elements, and it has an attractive who gives a fuck aspect to it. Rebels are always more hankered after than the well-behaved and law abiding. And as much as not drinking is rebellious, it's not the kind of rebellious that turns people on. All of this though, gives me a problem. I know that hyper perfect behaviour isn't attractive, but at the moment it is making me feel really good (to the extent of feeling brain highs after eating my meticulously balanced meals - see, even that made me sound like an abominable human being). What's more, while the perfectness of the behaviour tends to make people puke, it is, I think, serving to make me physically prettier (clearer skin and eyes, thinner all over, better muscle tone, convincingly smug(ly) smile). Then again, ironically, even that grosses people out - "Look at how revoltingly glowing you're looking this morning!". And I certainly haven't got a train of suitors fighting to get a piece of my shiny, healthy halo. Of course, stinking of booze and sporting dark eye circles and grey, zit marked skin probably wouldn't help much in that department either. So whatever. If being a perfect nerd is what makes me happy then so be it. Who gives a shit about pretty anyway.