Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Day 113: demons.

Why is it that over the course of trying to live a life, the same problems and themes keep presenting themselves? It's like when we're born we're allocated our own set of guardian demon children to accompany us the rest of the way, and every time we think we've managed to lose the little fuckers, they tap us on the shoulder or boo us in the face to remind us they're never going away. Obviously, I have plenty of demons of my own. One used to be drinking, which I do seem to have managed to put on a leash and tie up in the yard for the time being. Another one is nail-biting. Pretty harmless that one (on account of it having soft little nails that couldn't hurt anyone if they tried). Another slightly more dangerous one though is my no motivation monster. It hates work of any kind, complains about the fact I have to do it at all, but offers no alternative solution to the small problem of staying alive. It's big on dreams and escape plans but hazy on actual how tos. It just throws clouds of discontent into the air and leaves them hanging there, making it impossible to see how one might reach the pretty locations hung tantalisingly in bubbles above. And it's a monster that visits with alarming regularity. I thought that with non-drinking and yoga-doing I had banished this negative little complainer, but it seems it's back. Usually its arrival is accompanied by internet searches on Ashram yoga holidays and courses on how to become a travel writer, as well as serious thoughts of returning to the farm to live with my Dad (I'm sure he'd be thrilled to have his adult daughter eating all his porridge, ice creams and chocolate bars in return for substandard knitting and cow feeding services). Usually I deal with it by eating 70% Lindt bars, watching Foxtel and going for strolls until something happens and my nasty house guest leaves. Due to liver cleansing, chocolate's off the menu. So it looks like it's up to yoga to save the day again. That's okay. When it comes to driving off demons, I am entirely confident yoga is the man for the job.


  1. Up until a couple months ago, I used to bite my nails down past the point of pain, regularly. I would also bite the skin around the nails, resulting in the ends of all my fingers looking torn up. I don't know why, but I was able to stop this not too long before I stopped drinking. I guess I finally convinced myself that the pain wasn't worth whatever benefit I was getting from biting them, and that my fingers would look nicer if I stopped.

  2. I once booked a 6-month working stay in South Africa because I had the no-motivation monster so bad. But then I wound up back in Sydney after only 6 weeks, so I guess I can't win ;)

  3. If I could tally the number of hours I have spent googling trips I never go on 'twould be a little terrifying...

    Having said that, is excellent way to pass a rainy day.

  4. Hello. I found your blog and thought it was interesting as I'm doing the same thing, including the yoga bit, although I only started on january 1st and I want to be a writer, not a pop star.
    Good luck!