Day 110: boom, bam, bong.

Today Ben and I went into the band room to play loud and live for the first time in months. It was fun. The vibe was loud and punky, a bit scribbly round the edges, and we came up with about three new, vaguely unhinged ideas for songs. Weirdly though, I didn't feel the juice of excitement, hope and enthusiasm flow gushingly back into my heart and veins. While I had a good time and the songs were cool, as I left the place I felt the weight of starting a new live music project bearing heavily down on me. The posters of other more established bands staring from the walls reminded me of the competition, and the enormous amount of work and luck required to get anywhere in music. What's wrong with me? Where's my fearless energy and confidence? I think it has to do with a book I'm reading at the moment. It says that our modern-day goals and aspirations of fame and fortune go directly against what we need as humans to feel happy. It's making me rethink what I want out of life a little, and where my current trajectory is heading. So maybe I'll finish the book, get over the whole freak out, and get re-excited about being a superstar. Or maybe I won't. I'll let you know how it goes.