Day 189: getting preoccupied.

I read an article a week or so back about Naomi Wolf and her theory that women's preoccupation with the pursuit of beauty keeps them from achieving greatness in other fields. Sitting here watching Tracy Anderson's latest exercise DVD (titled the Perfect Design Series - she's Gwyneth Paltrow's and formerly Madonna's trainer just fyi) and quietly doing calculations in my head about how many hours I could actually manage to spend exercising a day, while also contemplating the prospect of veganism mainly for the purposes of skinniness, I think Ms Wolf might just be right. What am I meant to be doing right now? Not drinking, yes, but what else am I meant to be doing? Trying to become a rock star. Not trying to become a bean-munching, exercise-obsessed skinny bitch. Admittedly I will go home tonight and do my singing exercises, which is part of my music plan. And being hot bodied can't hurt the mission. And I've recently experienced a bit of a collapse on the music side of things, which will require a regroup before I can start moving forward again. But if I put as much energy into doing music stuff as I do into researching and carrying out food and exercise regimens, I would be a million times closer to touring North America with my totally cool band (as opposed to touring North America with my totally cool self. Wait a minute, maybe there's a message in that. Maybe my totally cool band is my totally cool self. Oh God I'm so confused...). Anyway, I'm kind of too mentally exhausted at this point to work out what it all means. I obviously place a lot of importance on physical appearances, and there's obviously something slightly freaking me out about actually getting my music out there, because otherwise why wouldn't I have done it by now? Or maybe I'm actually destined to be some superstar's personal trainer? Heaven forbid. Seriously heaven, forbid it, now.