Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day 178: weirdness is goodness?

I think the general state of things in my little and immediately surrounding world, could quite safely be described as not normal. That makes things sound weirder than they probably are but let's persevere along this line and see where we end up. Tonight I went to see The Cameras play. They're the band my drummer is going to play with. From what I saw and heard, they are nothing short of completely rad. I absolutely loved them, and with absolutely no reservations; they were fucking cool. This on its own has left me feeling strange. As the extent of their awesomeness first dawned on me, I did feel a sort of sick sorrow descend (what would become of me? Was it really, truly all over? Was it time to hang up my hat, curl up and die?). But then, perhaps perversely, the more awesome I realised they were, the more happy I became for my good friend Ben. Maybe it's not actually perverse, but it is weird. Surely the prospect of my long-time drummer and friend pulling up stumps and camping out with another band would be made even worse by that band being astoundingly cool and talented and great. But that was not what happened. By the end of the gig I was so vicariously excited for my mate that he had to tell me to calm down. Now, there’s a possibility this early enthusiasm is a knee-jerk reaction, delivered quickly to mask the foul loathing lurching heavily behind. I don’t think this is what’s happening though. What’s happening is that the stars have aligned for my friend, some pretty cool shit is happening for him, and there is no reason to stand in its way; what’s happening will happen whether I like it or not, so it’s probably better to be liking it. And very, very weirdly, I kind of am. I say kind of, because as a normal jealous human being there are bits I find not so comfortable. Like why, when we’ve both been slogging our hearts out making music together all these years, is he the one who gets the break? And what, now that I am a band of one, am I actually going to do with my musical self? However, I also feel that because of the serendipitous way this new state of affairs came into being, there must be something in it all that is meant to be. There is absolutely no doubt that this move by Ben will shift everything related into a completely new place. It pushes his orientation in a new direction, and accordingly nudges my compass onto a different course. Where will this take me? I am interested to find out. And in the strange way that these things sometimes happen, it does feel a little like the Universe is steadily whittling away options for me, creating a smooth path towards one clearly defined point. I am happy to flow with the current and see where I end up. And while it all definitely feels like weirdness right now, I am hoping that quite a lot of goodness is soon to follow.

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