Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Day 183: half way.

Today marks the halfway point in my year off the piss. So where do I find myself? Now let me see. From a non-drinking standpoint I am absolutely fine. I have experienced some patches of wanting to drink, mainly I think because the novelty of not drinking has worn off, but I am not in one of those patches at this particular moment. Being sober is okay with me. On the rock & roll front, the last vestiges of my former band have now disintegrated before my eyes. This is an interesting position to be in, considering the rock star orientated half of my mission, and is something which I find quietly distressing. But let's take a look at things honestly. Honestly, I have been trying to get something cool and musical off the ground, and putting in a pretty solid effort, for the last at least three years (not counting the 17 years of playing in bands etc that happened before that). But during that time it has been consistently difficult to get any momentum. It is as if something has been pushing back on me every time I try to push things forward. It has been hard. And there's a part of me that believes that when something's meant to be, it happens kind of effortlessly (or is that just wishful bullshit?). You have to put the work in obviously, but when you do, things start to happen. I expended a lot of energy on my last band, and went through a tonne of frustration (I also absolutely loved that band let's not forget, and completely stand by our creative output. We were a good band. We just fell apart before we got anything properly across the line.). Maybe it's time to try a new approach. Maybe because I seem to have found myself on my own, a solo project is what I should be doing. Maybe? Also, Ben playing in another band doesn't take away the work we've already done. We've got songs sitting pretty much ready to go. I just might need to rethink how we get them out there. Anyway. Singing wise, my vocals are getting stronger thanks to many an insane sounding exercise, so I'm making some progress. Work wise, I just completed a pitch full of work of which I am duly proud. That's positive. I am also soon to head off on a jaunt to the states, which should be a mental adventure. I am still single, but that's cool. And I have started to notice a few more hot boys around the traps. So really, I guess at this halfway point, I find myself (not surprisingly) in the middle of it all, getting somewhere but not yet arriving there, surrounded by swirling possibilities but not yet having pinned any of them down. Will I ever manage to grab one? Will I ever actually arrive? Right now I can't tell. Maybe ask me later.


  1. Hi Claire,
    A huge congratulations on making it half way through! I think a lot of the readers of your blog would agree that it a huge achievement (Personally I gave drinking a break and lasted 13 days - so 183 days is mammoth)
    Congratulations again!

  2. Thanks Jo. I appreciate it. Just gotta keep on stomping. (Stomp, stomp stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp...)