Day 198: no more fucking around.

If you had asked me, say, seven months ago what likelihood I saw of my really enjoying my job in advertising, I would have said "The chances are very tiny". But strangely, since moving to my new agency, I have really started to like my work. This is significant, because for quite a number of years I have wrestled continually with dissatisfaction, disappointment and general depression concerning the state and future of my career. I don't feel those things now. But what this enjoyment of my job has meant, is that I've been working harder and longer, and generally putting more energy into that whole side of things. Which is fine. But my desire to get the now quite stupendous number of songs I have written over the course of my musical life, actually out onto the airwaves and into people's ears has diminished none. In terms of dreams and lofty goals, and what constitutes my purest ambition and the creative pursuit undeniably closest to my heart, music remains my number one burning priority. To play my stuff to an appreciative crowd, to have my tunes welcomed by radio listeners, and my videos enjoyed on You Tube is what I want more than anything else. It's the thing I can't let go. So why do I spend so much time doing other stuff and not relentlessly pursuing that goal? There are many answers to that question, and honestly, I'm not in the mood to beat myself up over it this time. I haven't been doing nothing, and there are other factors in life that need negotiating too. Only it is actually, truly, really time for the bullshit to stop and the action to begin. No. More. Fucking. Around.