Thursday, April 15, 2010

Day 163: the storm passes.

This is going to sound ridiculous. But I'll say it anyway. Over the past few tormented days many things seemed to be conspiring against my living an easy happy life. One of them (this is the ridiculous bit) was that when I went to yoga, someone had taken my mat. The bag was there hanging up on a nice little hook, but the mat was not in it, which meant that someone in my class (cue hawk-eyed scanning of all suspects clutching purple mats) was sweating all over my mat while I had to use one of the house mats (a million shades of ew). Now as I'm sure anyone who has ever taken their yoga the tiniest bit over-seriously will understand, this represented mat violation and was accordingly distressing. Add to the situation that I was feeling wounded from the party failure, stressed by work and riled by random comments, and that yoga was meant to be my one untouched, saviour haven for de-stressing and feeling okay again - well, it was like taking the last scrap of blanky from a small, lonely child who just dropped their lollipop in the dirt: forlorn city. Anyway, yesterday they found my mat! And Haley, fiance to owner Darren, had sprayed it with disinfectant and put it behind the desk. Angel person. As I said, it's ridiculous, but in the midst of a storm of ill-ease, this felt like a sign. My clean purple mat was like a beacon signaling a change in the weather: better times ahead, it will all be fine from here. And since the return of my mat, everything really has turned around, even if only in my head. My yoga class was great, with a friendly sense of camaraderie amongst the yogis, my best back bend yet and a tiny but significant breakthrough in one of my other poses. I mended the rift with my workmate and we are friends again. And I stopped feeling hard-done-by by everyone who didn't make my party. Anger, self pity or even just negative attitudes towards others can be powerfully damaging things to feel. The effect of holding them in you is that you start radiating negativity, and negative shit starts gravitating towards you. I've experienced this first-hand over the past few days. And I guess what I've learnt is, even if other people have done wrong to you, don't let it turn into wronging yourself. Let it go. Clear your skies, and let the sunshine in.

1 comment:

  1. These little things are sent to test us.
    your post reminded me a bit of a zen type proverb - The Hall of a Thousand Mirrors.
    The world looks at us like we look at it.