Day 315: planning a piss-up.

Over the past few days it has occurred to me that once I complete my 365 days, I should probably throw a bit of a party to celebrate. And it has also occurred to me that a lot of the people I know would quite like it if that celebration were to take the form of a massive piss-up. Now that's fine. A big party involving alcohol is something I don't mind being involved with. But the massive piss-up bit does pose a bit of a problem. Firstly, unaccustomed as my system now is to alcohol, I just don't think my poor little body will be able to hack a major onslaught of booze. Secondly, I simply am not inclined to subject myself to anywhere near such an onslaught. I have noticed recently a look come into the eyes of other drinking folk when they hear my sobriety is nearing its end. It's a kind of awe-filled, crazy possibilities look - like they are planning alcohol saturated afternoons designed to unleash my caged wild child once more. I have a feeling that every person who hears I'm about to be allowed back on the piss has their own little idea of what they might do with me, and that every little idea has something to do with obliteration. But I'm afraid I am now a changed girl. If nothing else whatsoever, what I have gained over the course of this exercise is an awareness of drinking and its effects (and of not drinking and its effects). It's a knowledge I can't unlearn. If I choose to obliterate myself with booze again, it will not be through complacent over-consumption, or just because everyone else wants me to. I now reserve the right to drink or not drink as I see fit. I also know that I am strong enough to exert that right. And from where I'm standing right now, getting absolutely hammered on alcohol just isn't an attractive option anymore. Loosening up and having a bit of fun, yes. But a major piss-up? No.