Day 309: when will I find my love?

A few days ago my big brother told me one of his friends, a boy called Andy, had met a girl and she had moved in with him. Andy is a beautiful boy, in every sense, so this is great news. He deserves it. Except that, unbeknownst to him, Andy was my secret fantasy back-up husband. As with most fantasies, this scenario probably wouldn't actually have worked in real life. But I liked having the thought that one day I might go back home to Christchurch, marry Andy and live happily every after. Now even the fantasy cannot be. This of course is me being really silly and does not actually represent a tragedy or a problem in any way. But when I reflect on my history of fizzled love affairs, and my disappointing efforts at online dating, and my current unrelenting singleness, it's hard not to wonder if there might be something deeply flawed about me. Am I just not an attractive girl? Do I live too much in fantasy land (cue fantasy back-up husband), not engaging enough with the realities of the world? Is there something obviously repellent about me that I'm just not seeing? Or am I just too sober and straight to reel anyone in? Could getting back on the piss actually be the first step to finding my love?