Friday, January 8, 2010

Day 65: fabulousity.

I apologise for being annoying, but I have to say it: I’m feeling freaky amazing. It could be the vitamins I finally got around to taking, or maybe there’s something in the water (I drink a lot of the stuff these days), but over the last little while I have been feeling so damn good. I have basketloads of energy, my mood is UP, my skin and hair are bright and shiny, and my brain is excited, interested in everything and whirring along like a bee with a propeller on its arse. I am happy. Very. And to be able to say that, believe it or not, is actually a bit of a feat. For whatever reason, over the past however many years, I have lived in a state of frustration and general disappointment at my position in the world. I was frustrated with my progress, uninspired by my work and career prospects, disappointed with where my music had gotten to. Everything I wanted to achieve seemed huge and impossible. I felt trapped and powerless to change my situation. It was depressing. But I don’t feel that way anymore. And what’s changed? I still have the same job and do very similar work. The difference is I like it now. I haven’t made any amazing extra progress since those days of feeling shit about myself, so nothing’s really changed there. But I can see that what I’ve already achieved in my life is actually quite good, and that with a little effort there will be more to come. And if anything, my music projects were enjoying more success a while ago than they are now. But I am feeling really happy with our current level of progress, and positive about what we’re capable of. Suddenly now everything I want to do seems totally possible and achievable. So it’s not any concrete event or bit of progress or achievement that’s changed, it’s just my state of mind. Oh yeah and one other thing: I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol for 65 days. On reaching this baby milestone day (only 300 days to go!), it is becoming apparent that not having alcohol in my life is a very good thing. Because alcohol, even in small amounts, does affect your head. And mine without it, is feeling freakin’ fabulous.

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