Day 286: are you fucking kidding?

Sorry for swearing (hey Claire, here's an idea: just stop swearing and you won't have to apologise for it all the time.) but I can't fucking believe this (oop, there I go again). I got an email today from my keyboardist saying she can't be in the band. Now first of all, I don't blame her in the slightest. She has very, very good reasons for not being able to be a part of it, and I think it was good of her to let me know earlier rather than later. But seriously. Is someone trying to tell me something? Do I smell? Am I giving off some kind of mega repellent that is making my fellow musicians run from me? Honestly, God, Buddha, Allah, whoever you are, is there something you want to say? Never in my life before have I encountered so many difficulties in getting a project off the ground as I have in the past two years. Now, any sane person might have thrown in the towel by now. Is that what the Universe, in all its wisdom, is telling me to do? Well as much as I would love to be able to do that, it is simply NOT AN OPTION. Do you hear that forces of the Universe? I cannot back down until I have managed to DO SOMETHING. I have some REALLY COOL SONGS that need putting out. If my angels could please just gather together and help me instead of throwing obstacles in my path, we might all be able to leave work in time to catch the latest episode of the Hills (I hate that show, just for the record. Spencer Pratt is a scary, raving, lunatic weirdo. And I hope Heidi's H cups pop.). Anyway, apart from angels, there is still one person who seems to be interested in pursuing the project. Guitarist Ben (a different Ben from drummer Ben). I know. It's a frickin miracle.