Thursday, August 5, 2010

Day 274: confidence crisis.

Why is it that on one day you can feel completely confident in your ability to conquer anything, and on another you feel like a talentless fraud? Well actually maybe you don't feel that way, but I certainly do. I don't know if it's me misreading things, or if it's just that I hang with people completely out of my league, but I generally get the impression that just about everyone around me knows a million times more about what they're doing than I do. They seem clued up, knowledgeable, dedicated, decisive, focused - everything I'm not. Next to them (everyone?) I feel like a scattered freak, with my head dabbling in far too wide a range of areas to know any of them very well or do any of them any justice. Why could I not have been born with one simple goal in life that I could thoroughly and diligently pursue? Why couldn't my ambitions and standards have been set a little lower than impossibly high? Why couldn't I have been blessed with one enormous and undeniable talent, instead of a handful of questionable ones? And why must I continue to doubt myself? That's too many questions, and no energy left for answers. Maybe I might find some in dreamland. Good night.

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