Sunday, July 11, 2010

Day 248: gravitational pull.

What is it that makes us want to be in one place more than another? A lot of the time there are very practical things, like nice weather, the people we know and love, good opportunities to earn a living etc. But what about when you just feel drawn to a place? What's that about? For a long time now I have felt the pull of the states, New York city in particular. Now having visited again, I feel it to an almost ridiculous degree; it's like there is no other option but to go there. But what is there in New York for me? I know all of maybe three people to any meaningful extent there, finding a job will be a mission, and by all reports it gets freaky hot in summer and unbearably cold in winter. The rent's exorbitant and the apartments are often shitty and tiny. But I still wanna go. It's partly because, as everyone knows, New York was built on magic rocks. But it also has to do with how New York lets me be. Over the last few weeks I have been able to observe at close range the effects different environments have on my me-ness. In different places, under the influence of different factors, I actually become a different person. Not entirely different, but noticeably so. Some places make me more confident, some more relaxed, some defensive, some vulnerable. New York feels like a place where parts of my personality could be allowed to breathe, when in other places they are necessarily repressed. Do I sound like a complete wanker? Well, it wouldn't be the first time...

No comments:

Post a Comment