Friday, November 27, 2009

Day 24: party freak.

Today the novelty wore off non-drinking. It stopped being a "thing I'm doing", and just became the thing I do. It's a weird place actually. I don't feel inclined to drink at all. I have no pangs for certain drinks. And the thought of that zizzy piss-fuddled feeling behind the eyes vaguely repulses me at this point. But at the same time, I am aware of the limitations that come with being the straight person. As everyone revs up for some of the biggest piss-a-thons of the year, and as I concentrate dutifully on putting together a worthy costume for our work Christmas bash, I cannot quash my visions of a decidedly less than loose party experience. You know, the guess who got stuck talking to the client all night scenario. Or the stark, this is boring realisation. Or being the person the party kids don't want to hang with because your straightness just kinda makes them uncomfortable dude. But even more than how it makes other people feel, how will I feel doing a major bash on kiddy-punch? I like parties. I have been in my time a seasoned "party girl". But to me a party has always meant cutting loose in a major way. It's the big exhale of pent up get your freak on. And letting loose has always meant getting loose. How do you loosen up when you're straighty-one-eighty? I've been faced with this question over the last few days because I've had a few stressy, pissed off episodes. In the usual run of things, after a stressful day I would have swung by the bottle-o on the way home and chilled myself out a little with a glass or two of (probably red) wine. These days I kind of rely on exercise to relax my arteries. But you can't jog yourself into loose party mode. Or can you? Should I hit yoga pre-party and watch some kind of brilliant comedy to help me feel both chilled and jovial? Or are there vitamins I can take to rev up my energy/chatty/laughy/jumpy levels? And more to the point, why do I feel like I'm going to need help to have a fun time? I guess it comes back to a point I've raised before: it can be scary to see things for real. Going into a party with no alco-ammo, what if you discover that in fact you are an unadulterated, unfunny, uninteresting bore? Well, so be it I suppose. Funnily enough, this year I have opted for a costume involving medieval armour. No protection whatsoever from the kind of psychological damage a realisation of the "I'm boring" variety could inflict, but at least I might arrive home with fewer bruises.


  1. Music is the key Claire

    Soothe the soul with some Motorik..........


  2. The Neu! track is cool. Reminds me of lots of kiwi stuff. And it's jammer's (stoner's) heaven!

  3. One from 3 aint bad!

    Neu! were recommended to me by Bowie.

    Hold your nerve Claire