I have a prediction to make: the silly season is going to be tough. But not just for me. Last night I did my first big party piss free, and let’s just say I made a few illuminating discoveries. Firstly, a room full of straight people who don’t know each other that well, is nowhere near as hilarious as a room full of wankered people in the same situation. To my straight self, while the start of the party seemed almost intolerably stiff, people got notably looser, funnier and definitely more entertaining as the alcohol consumption increased. Being “entertaining” of course, can be achieved in a number of different ways. It could, for example, involve pulling cool robot moves on the dance floor (quite entertaining), or saying some really wrong things to the new CFO before realising who you were talking to (again, pretty entertaining). Or it could involve tearing off your costume, throwing it on the floor, mounting a lamp the size and shape of a horse and refusing to get off (who said clients don’t know how to party?). You don’t have to be able to walk in a line, keep your shirt clean or your makeup straight to be entertaining. You just need to do things that get in the way of boring. Because that was my second discovery: when not viewed through a heady haze of alco-fizz, parties can get that way. I remember my mother telling me when I was quite little that only boring people get bored. I think she kind of had a point, so I don’t like admitting to the “b” sensation too often. But there were definite moments when I had to rally my inner troops to fight my way out of the dead zone and back into funland. The tonic waters were obviously enormously helpful in that respect. Really though, you can totally get bored at a party when you’re pissed. It’s just that you deal with it differently (slump on a sofa/fall asleep/start dirty dancing with randoms – while we’re on the subject of dirty dancing, don’t do it. It is, I have discovered, one of the few drunken behaviours that has no endearing aspect. It’s gross. Go hump someone’s leg in private if you’re that way inclined.) As a straighty, when you get bored you need to find something legitimately interesting to get you back on track. And thankfully, a nice little handful of the people I work with are legitimately interesting, great to talk to and hilariously fun at parties. (A particular moment of awesomeness was when my Art Director partner Niccola, resplendent in an enormous, tartan Mamma Cass costume, waggled her fake fat arse in the centre of a circle of stick thin and rather humourless Playboy bunnies on the dance floor. That gave me laugh attacks every time I thought of it.) Naturally though, there were times when I just felt like an outsider. I wasn’t one of the thronging crowd puffing ciggies on the balcony (which I would have been in the days of old – cough). I wasn’t in the centre of the packed dance floor or up on the stage (I just wasn’t digging on Bon Jovi or the crappy dance remix of Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon), and I wasn’t one of the so solid crew of wide-eyed energetics who banded together and partied past dawn. But that’s okay. Because what I realised about these evenings, and about life in general I suppose, is that with every stance you take or decision you make comes a set of consequences. Some of them are awesome, and some of them suck. For the drinkers and hard partiers, comes the considerable fun and elation of getting loose, twisted and mega-sociable, followed by the dehydration, embarrassment, injury and general state of illness that often accompanies it. For the me-types, the party super-highs aren’t really available, and having a good time involves a careful balance of the right mood, great company and the determination to get amongst it. But there is no nasty aftermath, and you wake up generally well rested, happy in the knowledge you didn’t make an arse of yourself. So while it isn’t always easy partying on the straight and narrow, partying on the piss has its hard parts too. C’est la vie right? Deal with it dude. And have a good time while you’re at it. Which is what I plan to do at the next big party I’m attending, tomorrow.